As grief life coaches, we are honored to walk alongside persons who are fresh in their grief. Each life remembered and celebrated during grief coaching sessions is special. In grief coaching, the goal is two fold,
to celebrate the life of the loved one in God-honoring ways, and to assist the survivor of the loss in finding hope and healing in this new season in their life, without their loved one.
The second goal of grief life coaching is the most important. As demonstrated in the book of Ruth, we must 'focus on the living, not the dead.' In assisting those who have lost a loved one, we have found a pattern. While every person, who has died, is unique and the circumstances surrounding their passing diferent from person to person, most persons who survive the loss of a loved one, experience similar emotions when grieving a loss.
One of the most dificult grief and loss emotions to process through is guilt. Sometimes the guilt comes from things said, or unsaid, done or not done. Experts refer to these occurrences as 'unresolved issues.' Other times the guilt is simply the result of out-living your loved one. "Why them, and not me?" "How can I go forward with my life, not to mention, enjoy my life...when my loved one is gone." While these questions are common, we don't always get an answer. Not knowing 'why' or 'how' gnaws at our conscience and deepens our despair.
In grief life coaching, we explore these very common feelings of guilt. We reassure clients that it is normal to feel guilt when a loved one dies. It is important for you to know that God is in control of your life and the big picture. God did not cause, but He also did not prevent, the death of your loved one. What we do know, is that if God had wanted your life to end at the death of your loved one...He could have made it so.
Since you are reading this article, it was not God's plan for your life, that you pass away when your loved one did. He does not want you to feel guilty about the fact that you are still here. What He does want you to know, is that if you ask Him for forgiveness for anything that you believe may have contributed to your loved one's passing, He will give you peace.
What He also wants you to know, is that He has plans for the rest of your life. Plans that He wants you to carry out during this season in your life, in spite of your loss, in spite of your grief. He wants you to serve and love others as only a wounded healer can. You can now minister to others in a special way because of your life experience and the loss of a loved one. You know what it is like to grieve and to lose a loved one.
It is important in God's world that we minister to the 'widows and the orphans' in their distress. The only guilt that God wants to convict you of, is a life which does not use this experience as a chance to minister to others. So, what kind of God-honoring ministry can you begin or expand today as a way of putting aside your 'guilt of living' and as a way to honor the memory of your loved one? Spend quiet time alone with God and He will suggest ways that you can minister to others in spite of your grief. We will pray for you, that God will clearly reveal special ways that you can enjoy serving through using your God given gifts and talents.
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