Keys to Grieving the Loss of Your Mom

Mother's Day is fast approaching and it can be a tough holiday for many. Why is this a reality, for so many people?  

Well, some women have wonderfully mothered and nurturered children, but they are not biological moms. Many have undervalued the roles they have played in the lives of others, and they may have grief issues related to not having children. Others are estranged from their mothers, and this causes them to have unresolved issues related to their mother. Some mothers feel unappreciated by their children, and so they have anger or frustration associated with this holiday as well. And last, but not least, are those persons, who have recently lost or who are still grieving, the death of their mother.

So, I want to offer empathy and encouragement to you if you fit into any of these categories and are dreading or fretting over this holiday.

First, if you have nurtured children, on behalf of all of those children, I want to say, 'Thank You.' You have given gifts of hugs, appreciation, acceptance, manners, food, clothing, education, and oh, so many wonderful and beautiful things to the chldren you have loved. I encourage you to celebrate Mother's Day...because you have been a great mother!

Second, if you are estranged from your mother, or if your children are estranged from you...I am sorry for what must be a complicated, emotional, and trying situation. It takes 2 people to have a healthy, happy relationship. You can only account for half of it. If you are preventing the relationship from being solid in any way, I ask you to pray for the ability to ask God for forgiveness for whatever you have done or not done and take steps immediately to improve the relationship. If the offender is your mother or your children, please know that you are not responsible for their behavior. You can not control their personality, manners, or lifestyle. What you can do, is make it easy for them to apologize to you, to save face, and to get back into relationship with you. You must forgive and go on. If this is impossible, then evaluate how you did as a parent or a child. Say grace over the things which could have gone better, and congratulate yourself on the things you did well. Ask God for contentment and peace and the ability to wait on His perfect timing to improve the relationship. Ask Him to teach you during this trial and listen for his voice.

If you have just lost your mother or if your grief is still fresh, try not to beat yourself up if you are feeling blue. Instead, think about the life of your mother. Think about the things you loved about her and the ways she made you crazy, or could push your buttons. If you haven't already done so, think of God honoring ways you can memorialize or celebrate your Mom's life. Select one and begin to put your plan into action. Losing a parent is extremely tough because it makes you painfully aware of your own mortality. Some friends of mine have reported feeling as if they were orphans in a big, cruel world. For me, holidays are for the living. So, if your mom made a great cake, or if she would always buy you that 'something special'...consider treating yourself (as your mother would) in her honor on this Mother's Day.   

My prayer for you is that you will have a GREAT Mother's Day!